i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
