with your own penis?
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
