I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
