I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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