maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
