Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he fucked my hip out of place.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
