he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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