please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
