you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
