i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
