Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
