My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
