goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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