The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
