so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
