is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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