i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
pray to the hookup gods
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
