I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
