I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
