just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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