I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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