you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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