yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
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The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
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