why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
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HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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