You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
