Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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