your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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