he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
