____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
