I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Sponge bath it is.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
