Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
