Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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