I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You made out with two different species that night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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