Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
