The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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