The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
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how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
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I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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