Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
