some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
