Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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