He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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