is wine microwaveable?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
