Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
thus making me awesome and them whores
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
