in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
its liver damage thursday
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
