Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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