Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
