While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
