We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
