and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
