I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
