She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
