We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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