The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
