If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
