that's an acceptable place to lick
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
