lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize