You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
