I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
