I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
