I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
