I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
