yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
