my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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