let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
