DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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