wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
