So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't think brook has ever known best
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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