the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I faked an abortion last night.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
it's like iHOP with fire
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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