The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I look better un-naked...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
But break dance skills will only take you so far
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
