Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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