i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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