worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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