he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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