are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
