Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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