After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
